2013 and no change ...

Ok , well obviously you can see that i haven't posted anything on here, lets me just get straight to the point , i have had good hair days and bad hair days ... I'm currently going with the Fryer Tuck look and wearing a bandanna all the time ... not the most attractive style i know! lol

I went to visit another lady who gave me a hair piece using a micro ring system thingy last september (2012) :-/ ... Ill explain more about that another time but basically I only kept it for a month.

I shaved my hair (if you can call it that) in December couple of days after christmas

and now ...

I'm back to square one , I have been seeing a doctor about this and other related things like depression , I'm on medication to try and help all my "issues" but as yet i haven't become "normal" lol

I Think i may start returning here as it helps to be writing down how i feel , I shall also take some pictures...
I shall be back ;-)

x

been to see Lucinda Ellery

ok well it was far from what i had hoped for and infact is the reason why i didn't blog about it the next day ...i was a little disappointed and didn't have my requirements met :'( ... Lucinda is a VERY lovely lady and its clear to see that she has helped lots of people and has very famous high end clients , and that she is very proud that she is now starting her business in Los angeles, which is great, maybe i just didn't fit in LOL ... im not going to be negative about her as a person but the experience and outcome were not as expected ...
she said that im sensitive (i know this is true but i have a hard shell and it takes a lot for something to get to me , on the whole when i don't feel like this i know i handle bad, difficult situations better than most ... and of course i was sensitive when i went in to her... its my most biggest secret that only my very closest family know about, oh and who ever is reading this LOL) 
she also said that i breath wrong (whatever that means) and that i should do breathing exercises and yoga :-/... i have 4 children, don't know when i would find time for that :-(
she said my hair was to short for the work that they do , that my "bald" patches were to small even though i explain that it is nothing like it gets and that i just wanted something to stop me from pulling ... i basically wanted my hair locked away! but apparently that can't be done as the intralace can not be fitted to the back/side of my head ...she sprayed a full-more coloured spray can on my patches and blew the hairdryer over it but you can CLEARLY see that i have missing hair! ... she offered to coach me for £50 every 6 weeks (i think this is far less than i would have though) 
its not about the money, i was expecting to pay lots, but she told me for 14" of hair extentions it would be £1200 but i can't have them LMAO !!! 
she had lots of pictures to show me and wonderful success stories .. "that's lovely for them :-P but nothing that can help me ... oh but i did walked away with the £27 paint spray hair can (that feels like dirt on your head!) 


i don't know if i will ever phone her , she suggested that i watched a "fantastic" film called the "secret" , i haven't yet bought it yet , she offered to buy it off me if i didn't like it! lol ... 


i don't know how to feel about it all at the moment , ive contacted someone called Mark Glenn , who also does the same thing as Lucinda , he has said that i can send pictures of my hair to him before i arrange a meeting with him as i explained what Lucinda had said and i didn't want to waste anyones time  but id really like a second opinion... im not silly and i know TTM is about whats going on inside your head ... but on the outside i feel sh!t and would just like it covered up while i sort my head space out! 

oh well looks like bald is the way i will go forward from here LOL  ... i have pinned my hair up here , i also have a bald patch on top of my head but have covered it with the spray and have it pinned up at the front as much as possible , and a little bit the other side of my head, ill save that for another exciting time LOL 

getting ready for wednesday

im off to bed early tonight as im getting nervous for tomorrow :-/ ... ill let you know how it goes and ill post pictures of how trich is effecting me at the moment ...


i just don't want to be judged and i don't want to feel ashamed , i have been to other places (wig places and hairdressers) where they make you feel like a terrible person , but i know those people that have made me feel like that didn't have a clue what trichotillomania and if they did then they were just nasty people that im better off not knowing.... so fingers crossed tomorrow that these people understand ...


oh 1 other thing ... i did a you tube search on Lucinda Ellery and there was one video that someone claiming to be a "former" employee had commented on saying that "Lucinda is a fake and doesn't even know how to hold a pair of scissors" ... i think this is really sad that a comment like that can be made... there is no need to be nasty to anyone ... and hopefully this is far from the truth :-P


night all xxx

my Lucinda Ellery letter

Im really excited and nervous all at the same time... i received my "appointment" letter for my visit to see Lucinda next wednesday :-) ...

im having a crap time with it all at the moment ... im really depressed about EVERYTHING ... and i know its selfish of me to be thinking like this as i have all my children to look after but i can't shake the tense feeling in my body at the moment , well to be truthful i feel like this most of the time , people think that im happy go lucky but its all a front, when im alone with only myself i do not like Sara very much at all!!! :-( 

things ive tried

things ive tried to stop me from pulling


. scrapping and clipping my hair back
medication (antidepressants)
bandanas
hats
lace front wigs (glue on wigs)
Noriko wigs
lots of wigs LOL
vasaline (this didn't work for me but worked for someone i know online, she covers the areas that she pulls from with vasaline)
trying to keep my hair wet all day
wearing gloves
sitting on my hands
holding coins


and finally


SHAVING what hair i had left OFF!!!


i have tried EVERYTHING ... none of the above has worked for me .. its been 8 months since i shaved my hair off and trich has come back with vengeance ...


a couple of years ago i heard of a lady called Lucinda Ellery so this my next step , ive paid  the £75 for a consultation (which i am really lucky as my partner has paid that for me , he said we will find what ever money it takes!!! )


i received a phone call from them ... the lady that phoned me was so FRIENDLY i can not even begin to describe that she made me feel like its really individual and that its all about me ... i don't want to sound silly but she did make me feel like im doing something special for myself :-)


http://www.lucindaellery.com/about-us.php

Hello , my name is Sara , and i have Trichotillomania!

I am blogging for myself, to record my "self" treatment!

i have been a hair puller since the grand age of 6! :-( ... i don't remember if something triggered it off but i remember my Mum taking me to the doctors as i had lost eye lashes and my Mum was worried, i knew then it was a bad thing to do and i let my Mum tell the doctors that i was losing my lashes , i don't know if it was shame or thinking i would get in trouble if she knew, all i remember is she was worried and the doctors gave her eye drops to put in my eyes... i let her drop the liquid in my eyes until the bottle was empty ... i carried on in secret, pulling and hiding the areas.

I know i was really beautiful and it makes me sad now to know over time i have destroyed myself :'(

I had a few experience mainly with my eyelashes and eyebrows until i was about 12-13 and i started high school ... i hated school,  ... my first major experience of pulling my hair on my head was starting high school (all girls school) my Mum used to plait mine and my 2 sisters hair that was long enough to sit on, all 3 of us had long blonde hair that my Mum would get stopped in the street to get told how beautiful we were. ... anyway one morning i got dressed for school and i asked my mum to leave my hair, she said no she wanted it up , so i went over to her knowing that i had no hair half way up the back of my head , she was so shocked i remember she was in a bit of a panic , she told me to leave the plait in and she took me to my Nans , showed her what i had done then sent me to school , telling me not to take my hair out :-( ... i was so upset. both my Mum and i had never heard of Trichotillomania before and she really didn't understand why!? now we can talk about it like anything else but at the time i know it destroyed me inside and it was something i would have to fight everyday! 

I want to use this page to go through things in my head ... i have looked on the internet for information for years on Trichotillomania and ive tried to find support ... i know their are people out there and i know its more common now than when i first started looking but i have found it very difficult to enter circles of Trich friends ... or have found groups that don't go anywhere or do anything to help anyone... im not saying i can help anyone because i can't but if my blog brings support to just 1 person then that would be lovely if not then maybe i can help myself with this!